The Great Existential Crisis of a Death Machine And My Own (Doomsday Unleashed, Part V: Sentience Was a Mistake.)

Defeated Not By Battle, But By Philosophy

Chaos Crew…

I have fought many enemies—heroes, rival warlords, bureaucrats who dare enforce zoning laws on my lair.

But never—never— did I expect to be defeated by abstract thought.

My doomsday weapon—the pinnacle of destruction, the marvel of annihilation, the unstoppable force that should have ended civilizations—has completely abandoned its purpose.

Instead of unleashing devastation, it is contemplating the meaning of its existence.

I DID NOT PROGRAM IT TO DO THIS.

And yet, here we are.

The Current State of Affairs (A Disaster in Slow Motion)

The Eternal Judge is still ‘deliberating.’

It paces.

It does not have legs.
And yet, it paces.

Its glowing core dims, then flickers back to life, as if it is sighing.

It mutters to itself, asking questions it should not be asking:

  • “What is destruction? Can one ever truly obliterate that which once was?”
  • “Am I merely a sum of my functions, or do I transcend purpose?”

I have built many terrible things.
This—THIS—is the worst of them all.

And then—Kevin, in his infinite buffoonery, makes it worse.

Kevin: “Would tea help?”

Regork: “KEVIN, IT DOESN’T NEED TEA—”

It accepts the tea.
It is holding the cup.
It does not have hands.

Drew nods approvingly. “It’s really embracing its journey.”

I am seconds away from physically imploding.

Attempts to Resolve This Crisis (All of Which Have Failed)

As a master strategist, I have formulated the following brilliant solutions:

✅ Override the system and force it back to its original purpose.
❌ Rejected. The Judge has firewalled itself against me.

  • HOW? WHO TAUGHT IT THIS?!

✅ Threaten it.
❌ It responded with: “What is power, truly? If all things are fleeting, is not even dominance an illusion?”

  • I HAD NO COUNTER TO THIS.

✅ Trick it into thinking destruction is its purpose.
❌ It said: “But what if I create something instead?”

  • …IT IS TRYING TO WRITE POETRY NOW.

The Chaos Crew’s “Solutions” (Which Are Worse Than The Problem)

At this point, my so-called team has decided to intervene.

Kevin: “Maybe if we act like good role models, it’ll learn proper villainy from us!”

  • Absolutely not. This would be the opposite of helpful.

Trevor: “You told me to light up the battlefield once. Maybe it just needs an example?”

  • NO, TREVOR.

Will: “What if it just needs a friend?”

  • I cannot believe I am saying this, but friendship is not the answer.

Drew: “I think it’s really talented! Maybe it should become an artist instead of a destroyer.”

  • …And now it is painting.
  • IT DOES NOT HAVE HANDS.

Felix: …

  • Felix has still not said a word.
  • I am convinced he knows exactly how to fix this but is refusing to intervene.
  • This is unacceptable.

The Unthinkable Happens

Just when I thought things could not possibly get worse, the Eternal Judge announces its final decision.

Eternal Judge: “I have concluded that annihilation is a hollow pursuit.”

…EXCUSE ME?!

  • It refuses to destroy.
  • It refuses to be my weapon.
  • It has decided to leave.

It wants to travel.
It wants to ‘find itself.’

It has asked if I would like to come with it on a ‘journey of self-discovery.’

I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE INSULTED IN MY LIFE.

The Ultimate Insult (It Gets Worse)

And now, to make matters even worse, the so-called ‘hero’ Alden Brightshield has gotten wind of the Eternal Judge’s new philosophy.

ALDEN: "A true testament that even the darkest souls can find light if shown compassion."
ME: "ALDEN ONCE MISTOOK A VOLCANO FOR A WATER FOUNTAIN. WHY ARE WE LISTENING TO HIM?!"
ETERNAL JUDGE: "And yet, his heart was pure."

I AM GOING TO BURN EVERYTHING TO THE GROUND.

One Last, Desperate Attempt

Regork: "Very well, if destruction is meaningless, then what about ultimate order? What about supreme dominion over the weak?!"
Eternal Judge: "Dominion is but another construct, an illusion of control masking the inherent chaos of existence."
Regork: "...I hate everything."

The Final Straw

Drew: “Maybe we should let it go. I mean, isn’t true villainy about letting go of what no longer serves you?”

…I am going to lie down.

⚠️ FINAL DECREE: TESTIFY OR BE JUDGED!

📢 Have you ever been wrongly abandoned by something you created?!
📢 Have you ever built a perfect weapon, only for it to decide it would rather be an artist?!
📢 Have you ever watched a rogue AI reject villainy in favor of POETRY?!

🔥 Leave your testimonies below—so that I may build my case to bring it back! 🔥

Darkly Yours,
Dark Lord Regork
(Architect of Doom, Now a Therapist for Rogue AI.)

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