BEHOLD! I Have Conquered New Territory! (Also, Follow Me on X and Threads)

Chaos Crew, hear me! A monumental victory has been achieved! No longer shall my decrees be confined to this humble blog—no longer shall my influence be shackled by its reach! A new empire has fallen under my rule!

Yes, I have conquered social media.

THE STRATEGIC EXPANSION:

I now hold dominion over X and Threads, two digital realms where my villainous wisdom shall spread like an unstoppable storm. No longer must I rely on the Chaos Crew’s disastrous word-of-mouth campaigns! (Trevor once declared an invasion via interpretive dance. We do not speak of it.)

But the battle was not easily won. I faced horrors beyond imagination—vanishing verification codes, profile settings obscured by unholy sorcery, and the most insidious foe of all: the character limit. A crime against villainy itself!

And do not speak to me of choosing a profile picture. Brooding? Or slightly more brooding? Hours were lost to this cursed dilemma.

THE CHAOS CREW’S CONTRIBUTIONS (A.K.A. SABOTAGE):

  • Kevin forgot the passwords three times. Then liked several of Alden Brightshield’s posts. I have updated our security protocols. Again.
  • Felix set up both accounts before I had even selected a username. I do not trust this.
  • Will attempted to “boost engagement” by declaring war on multiple unrelated accounts.
  • Drew posted one status update and immediately gained 400 followers. How?
  • Trevor wrote such an ominous bio that people now believe I possess divine foresight.

In short, it was chaos.

THE REIGN BEGINS:

But in the end, I prevailed. Now, my proclamations shall be delivered directly to the masses. Expect ominous declarations, live updates of my latest schemes, and the ongoing tragedy that is modern technology.

I demand all loyal followers march forth and follow me at once!

📌 X: @DarkLordRegork (A name so mighty, the platform trembled as I claimed it!)
📌 Threads: @DarkLordRegork (A second throne upon which my digital empire shall rise!)

Join me! Spread my influence! Retweet my decrees! Unleash the Shadow Hashtags!

THE WAR FOR INFLUENCE:

Alden Brightshield—the insufferable, golden-haired fool—already has more followers than me. Unacceptable. This is digital treason! A war for influence has begun!

Chaos Crew, prepare our engagement strategies. Deploy the Retweet Hordes. If necessary, we shall fabricate an elaborate scandal involving Alden ‘rescuing’ kittens that did not, in fact, require rescuing. The narrative is ours to control.

And as if this humiliation weren’t enough, **Kevin—**in his boundless incompetence—has already liked several of Alden’s posts. A public betrayal. I am reviewing our loyalty protocols immediately.

FINAL DECREE:

If you are truly loyal, prove it! Follow me. Spread my words. Engage in villainous discourse.

🔥 Comment below with your most infuriating social media struggles! Have you been undone by character limits? Betrayed by algorithms? Speak now, or suffer in silence! 🔥

That is all. Dismissed!

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