Construction Begins And the Problems Start Immediately (Doomsday Unleashed, Part II: This Was Not in the Schematics.)
🔮 The Grand Plan (Which Is Already Falling Apart)
Chaos Crew! The time is upon us! The foundation has been laid (metaphorically speaking—Trevor, put down the shovel), and construction of my glorious doomsday weapon is officially underway!
With careful precision, calculated strategy, and the absolute minimum amount of disaster, we shall bring the Obliteration Engine of Absolute Ruin to life!
I have accounted for every possible failure.
I have created detailed schematics, step-by-step instructions, and safety precautions.
This time, nothing will go wrong.
This is the moment where my meticulous planning pays off!
Where my crew follows instructions exactly as written!
Where—
WHY IS THERE A FIRE ALREADY?!
🔥 Phase One: The Build Begins (Badly)
The project is barely ten minutes in, and we have already suffered multiple setbacks.
The Chaos Crew—my hand-selected, carefully briefed team of engineers (or at least, people who can hold tools without immediately setting themselves on fire)—has failed to clear even the most basic hurdles.
I decide to check in with each of them individually.
🔨 Will’s “Reinforcement” Obsession
I hear hammering.
A lot of hammering.
Will is hunched over a support beam, furiously nailing boards together with the enthusiasm of a man possessed.
"Will," I begin, cautiously. "What exactly are you doing?"
"Reinforcing the structure!"
I examine his work.
The support beams are now triple-layered.
This would not be a problem… except that several key components are now trapped inside the walls.
- The energy core housing? Immovable.
- The plasma conduits? Entombed.
- The primary interface panel? Sealed away as if it were a cursed relic.
"Will," I say, summoning all my patience. "This is overkill."
"Nonsense! This thing will withstand an earthquake!"
"WILL, IT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO!"
Personal Goal: "Ensure structural integrity."
Fate of the Project: "Structural integrity has become structural permanence."
I pinch the bridge of my nose and move on.
🏰 Trevor’s Unscheduled Fortress Construction
Trevor, sweet, well-meaning, catastrophically literal Trevor, has misinterpreted my instructions in the most disastrous way possible.
I specifically told him:
"The weapon needs strong defenses."
I meant shielding.
Trevor has built a medieval fortress.
- There is a working drawbridge.
- There is a tower. With an archer slot.
- There are, somehow, battlements.
Trevor beams at me, clearly very proud of his work.
"Trevor," I say, slowly, like one might approach a wild animal. "Explain yourself."
"You said it needed strong defenses!"
"I MEANT SHIELDING. NOT A FORTRESS."
"Well, it’s got both now!" he says proudly, patting the battlements.
I stare at the full-scale fortification he has erected around the weapon that is supposed to be mobile.
He has blueprints.
He has labeled sections.
He is laying bricks.
Personal Goal: "Construct a stronghold worthy of legend."
Fate of the Project: "Under siege before activation."
I need to leave before I lose my mind.
🔍 The Case of the Vanishing Power Cells
The power cells were here a moment ago.
Now? Gone.
This is not surprising.
In any given situation, there is one universal truth:
If something important is missing, Kevin is involved.
"Kevin," I say, turning toward him. "Where are the power cells?"
Kevin, who is absolutely guilty, avoids eye contact and whistles.
Kevin’s Whistle.
I know this whistle.
It is the whistle of a man who has done something unforgivable.
Felix—who, by this point, has learned that no one else is competent—sighs, sets down his clipboard, walks exactly ten paces to a supply crate, and opens the lid.
The power cells are inside.
I stare at them.
"How did you—?" I stop myself. I don’t want to know.
"Felix, do you have precognitive abilities?"
"No. I just understand Kevin."
This is somehow worse.
LIKELIHOOD THAT FELIX KNOWS SOMETHING I DO NOT: UNCOMFORTABLY HIGH.
👑 Drew’s Inexplicable Artifact Collection
"Drew, where are the bolts?"
Drew beams at me, standing triumphantly beside my work table.
There is a golden scepter in his hands.
"What. Is. That."
"It was just sitting there!"
"And the bolts?"
He shrugs. "No idea. But look at the engraving! It glows!"
Personal Goal: “Acquire something interesting.”
Fate of the Project: “Potentially cursed.”
I do not have time for this.
🛠️ Felix Is a Problem, and I Will Prove It
Felix has completed three sections of the project already.
Correctly.
I stare at him.
This is suspicious. Too suspicious.
"Felix."
"Yes, my Lord?"
"You finished that wiring alarmingly fast."
"I followed the schematics."
"That does not explain why I find this deeply unsettling."
He says nothing.
He just looks at me.
I squint.
He knows something.
📉 The State of Affairs
- Current Progress: Barely Holding Together.
- Projected Timeline: Delayed Indefinitely.
- Confidence in the Project: Rapidly Dwindling.
- Likelihood That Felix Knows Something I Do Not: CERTAIN.
And yet, despite the utter chaos surrounding me, I shall persist. I shall triumph.
This weapon will be completed!
...Unless, of course, my so-called "team" finds a way to make it even worse.
...
Why is Kevin holding a welding torch and a bucket of water?
⚠️ FINAL DECREE: SHARE YOUR MONOLOGUE FAILURES OR FACE MY WRATH!
Have your greatest creations ever turned against you in an act of ultimate betrayal?
Have your monologues—your sacred proclamations of destiny—been shattered by incompetence so catastrophic it should be considered an intergalactic crime?
Have your best-laid plans been undone by buffoonery, hubris, or—worst of all—teamwork?!
🔥 Leave your confessions in the comments. Misery loves company. 🔥
Darkly Yours,
Dark Lord Regork
(Engineering Genius, Surrounded by Madness, Betrayed by His Own Crew.)
Comments
Post a Comment