Epilogue: The Lessons of Doom And Why I Am Never Doing This Again (Doomsday Unleashed, Part VI: This Never Happened, Understand?)

A Final, Utter, Unforgivable Betrayal

Let us never speak of this again.

My greatest creation, my pinnacle of villainous engineering, the unstoppable force of annihilation I poured my very soul into…

Has left me to ‘find itself.’

A doomsday weapon—a machine of destruction—has abandoned its purpose because it had an existential crisis.

I am the Dark Lord Regork, feared across the land, mastermind of countless failed but BRILLIANT schemes…
And yet, my own creation took one look at me and said, “Actually, no thanks.”

I will not be taking questions at this time.

Final Status Report (A Summary of My Shame)

The Eternal Judge is gone. It did not explode, it did not malfunction, it did not fall to heroic intervention.

It simply left.

It announced its departure with the self-satisfied confidence of a traveling monk, leaving behind a single note:

“Thank you for helping me find my path.”

I did not help it find anything.

Meanwhile, the Chaos Crew—who should be mourning the loss of our greatest weapon—is instead celebrating.

Kevin, in his infinite stupidity, has thrown a farewell party. "For the Judge!" he says, as if this is some kind of sentimental departure and not a catastrophic failure of villainy.

Drew, for reasons beyond comprehension, has gifted it ‘travel snacks.’ What does an AI need with snacks?!

"I don’t know," Drew shrugs. "But I felt like it should have something for the road."

I am going to lose my mind.

Felix, of course, remains suspiciously calm.

He knows something. He always knows something. And yet, he refuses to speak, watching this disaster unfold with that eerie, unreadable expression.

My lair is in ruins.

Again.

I should be used to this by now.

And yet, somehow, this one stings the most.

The Ultimate Insult (It Gets Worse)

Just when I thought this humiliating chapter was over, I have received news.

Word has spread. The legend of the Eternal Judge’s "reformation" has escaped the lair.

And who—WHO—has taken credit for this “victory”?

ALDEN. BRIGHTSHIELD.

Apparently, somewhere, at this very moment, my so-called heroic nemesis is basking in the glory of having “redeemed” my doomsday weapon.

ALDEN: “A testament that even the most dangerous forces can find redemption if given kindness.”
ME: “ALDEN ONCE TRIPPED ON HIS OWN CAPE AND ACCIDENTALLY DESTROYED A FORTRESS.”
ETERNAL JUDGE: “And yet, his heart was pure.”

I AM GOING TO BURN EVERYTHING TO THE GROUND.

Regork’s New Lair Policies (A Desperate Attempt at Control)

Effective immediately, the following rules are now in place:

  • No more sentient weaponry.
  • No more AI capable of self-reflection.
  • No more tea offerings to rogue death machines.
  • No more existential crises within the lair.
  • Felix must report all suspiciously competent behavior to me.
  • Kevin is banned from touching any button, lever, switch, or vaguely important-looking object.

…I fully expect these policies to be ignored within the week.

Lessons (That I Absolutely Refuse to Learn)

  • Planning means nothing when surrounded by idiots.
  • Drew will always ‘accidentally’ resolve the situation.
  • Felix knows more than he’s saying.
    • I AM WATCHING HIM.
  • Kevin remains a danger to reality itself.
  • The universe is conspiring against me.

And yet, despite all of this… I am not defeated.

Villainous Reflection (Which I Will Immediately Ignore)

I will rebuild. I will reclaim my legacy.

I will craft something that cannot think, cannot feel, cannot contemplate the vast abyss of existence and decide to TAKE A ROAD TRIP.

No. This time, I will make something that only obeys, only destroys, and only fears ME.

And then—AND THEN—

(Pauses. Collects self.)

…Yes. Yes, this is good. This is villainy. We move forward. We do not dwell on past mistakes. We only conquer.

⚠️ FINAL DECREE: IF YOU MOCK ME, YOU WILL BE OBLITERATED!

📢 Have you ever been betrayed by something you built with your own hands?!
📢 Have you ever poured your soul into a project, only for it to develop free will and walk away?!
📢 Have you ever had to rewrite your entire security policy because of TEA?!

🔥 Leave your grievances in the comments—so that I may know I am not alone in this suffering. 🔥

Darkly Yours,
Dark Lord Regork
(Architect of Doom, Begrudgingly Enlightened.)

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